~ by Father Ron Camarda

It was seven years ago, on July 5, 2004 that I received a phone call from the Naval Reserve Headquarters that gave me a heads up that I would receive orders to go to Fallujah Iraq with the Marines. I had been out of active duty for over seven years and I was qualified to retire. I thought I was going to reject the orders when they arrived on July 15. God had a better plan, but I was clueless.

I am in the process of writing my second book called, A YEAR BEFORE THE TEAR. I am pouring through the journals I wrote a year before being recalled into the war. It is truly amazing to see how God had been gently preparing me to do something I knew I was incapable of doing. Even today, I am amazed how God keeps using me, especially for the healing of the families and friends of those who lost their lives or a peace of their minds in the war.

Last Sunday in Daytona Beach at the Veterans of Foreign War (VFW) Convention, I was nominated and elected the State Chaplain. (CLICK HERE to see pictures.) My father placed the hat on my head at the ceremony. Please pray for me that I am not just a figurehead, but also a true champion for our veterans and their families that struggle with the reality of war.

With that, I am including a couple of journal entries. The first two, July 2 & 5 were before I got the phone call from the Naval Reserve Center notifying me that I was being recalled. The July 14 entry is the day before I got the actual orders. I had been seriously contemplating asking the bishop to remove my endorsement that would prevent me from going. The July 19 entry is after I told the bishop I had to go. I was truly still in disbelief that I was actually going to the center of the war in Fallujah Iraq with the Marines.

All of the journal entries point out that I was trusting in God. I am in the process of reading Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light The Private Writings of the “Saint of Calcutta. I can glean from her early writings how God was gently calling her to her truly heroic and miraculous sainthood. I also realize that God chose me because people would have to believe that only God could use a fool like me.

This week, I begin as the Parochial Vicar of St. Joseph’s in Mandarin. I am excited and a little timid about this endeavor. I am convinced that one thing will remain the same…Eucharist. With God beside me and within me, I have no fears. The mother of Mother Teresa told her as she set out as a young woman missionary: “Put your hand in His [Jesus’] hand, and walk alone with Him. Walk ahead, because if you look back you will go back.”

My mother told me basically the same on my 10^th anniversary as a priest. She died a few months later. Let us carry our share of the Cross for Jesus.

July 2, 2004 Friday

Jesus, my friend

my lover

my intimate

You are so good to me

You give me life, breath, hope

Life is something with you

You are Creator of families

And even guilt with struggles

Taken by themselves, quite confusing

You have sent us out by twos

We need nothing,

No money

No sack

No hotel reservation

No change of clothes

You provide everything like the radiant beauty of flowers like roses

So often the rose goes about without color, only thorns and chards

Too often

Trusting in You, O Lord

Is the greatest gift to myself

And then letting go of your hand

as a child ceases to cling to his mom and dad

You, o Beloved, o Beauty Eternal

Have given us everything we need

We are capable of thriving, growing tall, blooming

and emitting exquisite beauty, aroma, texture, and sacred silence

Praise be You, Lord, Our God

Our Savior

Our Father
Our Mother

Praise be You, Lord, Our God

Just because

I sing of You

We sing of Ya’ll!

Ah, to live, to breathe, to sing

Ah, to grieve, to rejoice, to laugh

Ah, to cry, to smile, to sit quietly…

.

Thank You, Eucharist, Praise You All!

Journey 5 July 2004 Monday

Hot day it is in the summer

Bright, much light

Thundershowers building

Alone

Although many nearby

It is time to enter

into the strength of soul

the depths of the mind

the darkest of my being

and mystery of my spirit

Alone, that is

A kind of depression

hardly appealing

yet mysteriously addicting

.

O my being, swamped in the

humidity and oppression

of seeking, yet exhausted

enough to give up

dark, deep, dark, deeper, darker

.

Set me like a seal

for I cannot do it…alone

Amen!

July 14, 2004 – Wednesday Before the Tabernacle

I sit before you, Lord

Anxious

Tired

Ready to move forward

.

Refresh me

Touch me

Shelter me

Sorry, to ask so much

I do love you

I do want to serve you

I want you to be proud of me

Not in my accomplishments

But in my loving, forgiving, rejoicing, and sitting

Help me to just sit with you

I love you

More than life

You electrify my soul

and that is scary

But you, O Lord

are gentle, kind, and generous

Love ya,

Ron Moses +

.

***August 9^th, I must report

Not totally sure

Except that the Lord is with me

As promised

July 19, 2004 Before the Tabernacle

I am stumped for words, for thoughts, maybe even creativity

O Jesus, there is nothing noble

about being recalled into the military

All the sins are present

Lust

Anger (bitterness)

Greed

Pride

Envy

Gluttony

Sloth

Forgive me Lord. You are calling me.

You provide everything I need

Part of me is detached from the things and relationships

and loves of this world

Most of me is not detached

I spend way too much time

on calculating salary and vacation and retirement

And none of this is guaranteed.

I will receive a lot of compensation

I don’t deserve it

Yes, I have traveled many places in my life

If there is an opportunity to fly,

I fly

Sometimes I fly way from myself, Ron

Am I lucky or am I blessed?

I guess that remains to be seen.

.

I love you God

You call me

I really don’t know how long

The world is truly in a mess

We don’t love each other

Maybe we never did

Something about being nationalist

builds walls visible and invisible

Nations rarely call themselves friends,

but allies

And then, we are left

at the mercy or ruthlessness of our kings and leaders

Nations must become friends

Nations must love our enemies

From the beginning

You, O Lord, asked us,

begged us

pleaded with us

to do so

Are you calling me Lord, Jesus

to use all of my gifts and multiply them?

I know that I am not my gifts

In fact, I am nothing

I am amazed that I am even in this situation

Teach me to let go

Nurture my friends and our relationships

through this separation

Help me to not only journey to the Middle East,

But help me to journey to the center of your heart

`within me

.

Guide my hand to your will

Use my nerves and blood

to proclaim your Good News

Our world is spiraling out of control

in our selfishness and evil

Our sins are as scarlet as ever

and your blood, and your blood

only

can cleanse us

Let us love our Creator

Our God

Our Father

Let us love one another as he asked us to do

.

Love one another

Simple yet impossible

Engrained in the human

.

Let it start with me

Let me radiate love

Let me radiate peace

Let me radiate joy

Amen!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY USA!

Love, joy, peace,

Father Ron Moses +

www.tearinthedesert.com

Father Ron Camarda is a retired Naval Chaplain and author of “Tear in the Desert,” a powerful book containing his memoirs of life and death at the Battle for Fallujah. Father Ron appears on EWTN and recently won the Silver Medal from the Military Writers Society of America.